Please Stay in My Past
by Nicole Lo
Summary: Leah's life is turned upside down when she loses him. Sam isn't happy when he loses her and they both try to move on ... semi-song fiction. Rating: K to T.
1. I understand your need to switch'

**Please Stay in My Past**

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(Summary: Sam explains the reasons why he is no longer with Leah while trying to forget that he loves her. Based on 'If you'll stay in my past' by Maria Mena. Check it out on YouTube. –NL)

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**'I understand your need to switch the roles around and despise me for the fact that we didn't last.'**

Pretending that the past didn't exist and doesn't matter is much easier than facing it. Who wants to relive the best moments of their life, knowing that it's never going to be like that again, or to be reminded of the times they screwed up and become overwhelmed with regret?

I knew that Leah would be hard to forget, to get over. Three years with someone will do that to you, even though theoretically I have moved on, I am married to Emily and we have started our own little family. All of that doesn't erase three untouchable years.

I'd kept these thoughts and feelings these … _memories _of us bottled up since I had become a dad for the first time, and now Emily is pregnant again, which somehow makes me think about Leah not being able to have kids, which makes me think about Leah.

God, I love her. There, I admitted it. Thinking about the past brought all of those emotions to the surface.

I can remember her smooth, firm skin, her delicacy, her untainted sweetness and innocence. Yes, Leah was once innocent and trusting. She used to look me directly in the eyes, bolder than anyone else I ever knew, and then look away shyly when the intensity got too much.

Even when we were officially together, she did that. Leah always seemed to understand me when I wasn't saying _anything_, which I often did because I was too wrapped up in my thoughts to articulate anything. Leah would take my hands in hers, complain about how rough they were, and then kiss them lightly.

She made me fall in love with her long before she gave into me. And I thought we would be together until we both died. I remember Leah used to ask me, "How long have you loved me?"

And I would respond, "Long before you loved me." She would just giggle and then roll over and kiss me in a way that only she knew how. It felt good, special, sacred. And it was amazing … while it lasted.

And ironically enough, I was the reason why it ended. It all happened when Jacob's half-brother, Kelly, decided to throw me a Bachelor Party. Yes, even though Leah was nineteen and I was twenty-five, we were going to get married. In my mind, I had already chosen her to be with me forever … I had already imprinted her, which was how I got Leah to love me the way I'd loved her for years.

I went along with it so I really can't blame Kelly. I really can't get mad about the fact that we went off to Seattle to a couple of clubs where the other guys picked up girls and I was left alone, with a drink. It's not his fault that I chose to drink that drink or that I chose to sleep with the girl that I'd met in the club. But it is _fate's _doing that that one girl happened to be Leah's first cousin.

At first, I didn't know about who she even was until the week of the wedding. I noticed the glow of her skin and her happiness, but it was the sweetness of her voice that I remembered. And then I felt sick.

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(A/N: This is based on Maria Mena's _'If you'll stay in my past,' _one of the best break-up/getting over someone songs ever! Right now I'm on the Sam-Leah track… I wrote this whole thing about two months ago, but I hope you're into it. I'll get back on the Jacob-Leah thing eventually. And I love feedback. It makes me less insecure about the mediocre slop that I throw out to you all. Luv. –NL)


	2. And I will be your punching bag if you'

**Part Two**

**'And I will be your punching bag if you'll stay in my past.'**

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"What's going on Sammie? Cold feet?" Leah pulled me aside and wrapped her arms around me. "The thought of waking up to see your face everyday scares me too … truthfully." She nodded, her waist-length hair swaying too as though it moved to its own beat.

"No. I don't have second thoughts about you ever."

"Good." Leah kissed me warmly and then hummed immediately after like she did whenever I did something right. "Wait." She caressed my face lightly, which had the effect of making me feel elated and sick at the same time. I was sick with guilt. "I love you so much Sam … too much." Leah whispered kissing me so fervently that it hurt.

"I love you too but … I need to talk to you." The words flew out of my mouth. I owed her honesty, at the very least.

"Not _the talk_." Leah mouthed dramatically, giving me another kiss, this time on the side of my neck and she left go of my body. Our short embrace calmed me for a moment and then just made me feel even worse. "I love you too Sammie. Whatever it is … it can wait until tonight."

That night I did end up telling her.

"I hate you." Leah looked at me with such disgust that I doubted that I would ever be able to look at my own face again. "And you continued to make love to me and kiss me as though nothing happened … seriously?

"You talked about having kids with me. We had unprotected sex because we talked about having kids together. Did you use a condom?"

"Leah." I reached for her fruitlessly. She pulled away and then changed her mind, backing me into the wall.

"You …" She shook her head and then regained her composure. "Did you enjoy it? No. Don't answer that. I don't care. I don't _want _to know. This is the ultimate betrayal Sam."

"I love you Leah. I made a mistake." I tried to explain, pulling her into me as Leah's body calmed a little. When I pressed my lips against hers, she seemed to ignore everything that had happened. I lifted her body onto mine, turning only to place her on the counter next to us.

Our breathing grew heavy and heavier until I stood shirtless in front of her. That triggered something in Leah and she remembered why I no longer deserved her love. I didn't.

"No." She said with deep emotion more disconcerting than a river of tears would be. Leah hopped off the counter and then rubbed my kisses off her lips. "You don't get to cheat on me and get forgiven. I'm not some stupid desperate girl who will let you do that. Ever."

"Leah, I'm-"

"No. I want to hear Emily's side." Leah demanded, crossing her hands over her chest and pressing her lips together. My lips were still on fire from touching hers. My heart was beating with anticipation. "Call her." She handed the phone off to me. "I don't have anything to say to her."

When the three of us convened, Leah went off, on Emily in particular.

"You've always tried to take everything from me. Always, Emily." How Leah could blame her cousin for this, I didn't know. "The one time you have a one-night stand and it's with my fiancé. That's not a coincidence."

Emily looks like her face is going to crumble at any moment. Then I stepped in and told Leah to blame me and she did.

"I hate you and you have no right to say anything to me right now!" She yelled, pushing me until I fell against the wall. When she saw that I was still standing, Leah hit me again, punching me in the face. As much as these blows hurt, I knew they were nothing compared to the emotional scars I'd given her.

I told Leah that I loved her, that I'd always love her. I wanted her to forgive me, but I didn't know if she would. I promised to do anything she asked if she wouldn't end it.

But that didn't stop her. Leah continued to beat the shit out of me and it took all of my power to not let my wolf out and attack.

When she was done, I lay on the floor cut, bruised, beaten but … I felt worse emotionally than physically. Leah stepped over me icily, glaring at Emily before leaving. I tried to sit up and watch her athletic body disappear from my view.

Emily stayed behind.

She was a completely different vibe from Leah, sweet and kind. Nurturing. A caregiver. Her generosity only made me miss Leah's hardass-ness.

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(A/N: **Reviews wanted**. -NL)


	3. I understand to want to have'

**'I understand to want to have a mature dialog is too much to ask. And I will be your one regret if you'll stay in my past.'**

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Two months after breaking up

It wasn't really fair how things turned out, at least not for Leah. Emily found out two months later that she was pregnant. And I knew that I had to see Leah and tell her. Maybe I could explain this and we could somehow work this out.

Maybe she felt enough love for me to forgive what I had done. It was a lot to ask, too much to ask, but we just needed to talk. It was horrible living without her. And everyone was talking about it … I could hear them.

I banged on the door anxiously, hoping to get an answer since this was the first time I had actually tried to contact her. I know, I acted like a coward.

"You have some nerve." Sue Clearwater scolded me immediately as she opened the door. "Leah doesn't need someone like you in her life."

"I know but … I'm here. I want her to understand a few things."

"We already know about … you know, but … we're trying to figure out how to tell Leah. Let us handle this." She added.

"No mom, I want to hear this." Leah called from the background. Soon after, she had pushed past her mom and was standing face to face with me. She looked absolutely beautiful. Her hair looked shinier, healthier, her skin tone had deepened and evened out … Leah looked _better _than the last time I saw her, if that was possible.

"Leah." I breathed, breathless. I hoped that she could see that I did love her … I _still _loved her.

"What are you here for Sam?'"

"I need to talk to you. There's something, something that you need to know." I looked down, stopping my body from rushing to meet hers and hold onto Leah tightly. I never wanted our destinies to part. We had to stick together.

"What is it?" Leah approached me with so much openness and honesty that I was taken aback. I hadn't expected this. "I know Emily is pregnant. If that's what you came to talk about, then don't bother. You're bound to her forever now. Go be with her."

I wanted to scream no. I wanted to explain to Leah that I had imprinted her for a reason, that she was the one that I loved and nothing could hold us back but my mind temporaril**y **went on hiatus, my tongue refused to move or something because none of that was ever articulated to Leah.

"I hate you." She muttered again. "Don't come around here. I don't want to see you."

"I won't stop loving you. Ever. I'll make it up to you." I promised, well-intentioned.

"I hope you die and go to hell." She responded, slamming the door behind her. Ever so faintly, I could hear the sounds of soft cries. I'd never heard Leah cry before.

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(A/N: Review. -NL)


	4. I understand you delude yourself

**'I understand you delude yourself and sleep with a different girl each night, in order to recover fast.'**

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Five months after the break-up

By now, I was the leader of a pack yet-to-be fully formed. Paul had already joined me, Quil was transitioning and the other members were yet to be known. The only thing that was certain was that my priorities had shifted. I could no longer preoccupy my time with thinking about being with Leah. It just wasn't going to happen.

But no one cared to hear my sorrows. I was a leader. A leader was strong, fearless, and focused. So I let Leah's relationship with me stay in my past. I was fine and content with doing this being that Emily and I had decided to build a relationship and a stable home for our child.

And she was beautiful, kind, and gentle. It wasn't too hard to open up and be comfortable around her. There was one topic that was taboo, and that was Leah. I couldn't ever mention her otherwise Emily's eyes would begin to water and she'd suddenly leave the room.

So I guess not ever really talking it out with Leah and having closure is what made it hard for me to get over her. It's also what made me try so hard to keep her as a fading memory…

And when someone wasn't always in your face all the time like they once were, it was easy to overlook them, even someone as profound as Leah.

I didn't think of her too too much until coming back from a meeting with the elders one day. I'd heard sounds that were distinct sexual noises and was ready to reveal and embarrass the two parties that were partaking.

I reached for the door of the empty community center, knowing that it was open and started to reprimand them.

"You know you really should-" My voice choked itself to a halt when I saw who it was. Jacob's uncle… Kelly Black's hands were wrapped around Leah Clearwater's neck, and her legs looked glued to his back. They were moving in one even rhythm. Together.

I knew what was going on and it made me sick. I couldn't even believe that she would … with him … The thought of another guy being with her so intimately made me go mad. I wanted to kill him.

"Close the door." Leah responded coldly as I immediately obeyed, slamming it ever so slightly. I could not believe what I had just seen. So she was with _him _now?

I was pissed. So pissed that I drank myself crazy that night, and evaded my responsibilities for about a week until Emily came to find me and bring me back to center. And the next time I saw Leah, again with Kelly I ignored it. It didn't bother me any less, it didn't hurt me any less but I let her think that.

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I spent a couple of days thinking that until one day when Quil let his thoughts get the best of him. We were still working out the mind-reading in wolf-form thing so it got kind of tricky to have private thoughts. As the Alpha, I was the only one allowed such luxuries.

But Quil's mind was like an open book. And the first thing that crossed it that appealed to me was the question that he kept thinking over and over, 'I wonder if he knows that I slept with Leah.'

Unable to hold in my frustrations, I pounced onto Quil displaying my dominance until he whimpered like a little bitch. I howled out of pain and ran off.

But Kelly and Quil weren't the only ones who had been enticed by Leah. Her little black book was quickly becoming the size of an encyclopedia ranging from community members to local college guys and others just passing by.

It disgusted me to see that she was taking something so intimate and private and was passing out for everyone to sample. I wanted to say something to her. I wanted to tell her that she was so much better than that but …

I couldn't get sucked back in. Emily was more than halfway into her pregnancy and I had to focus on being a good father. LeahandSam just couldn't be anymore.

That was made more evident to me when I heard the thoughts of the pack when I wasn't around. What Kelly had done to her … I couldn't believe it.

The Leah I knew wouldn't just spread for anyone. That means something to her … or at least it used to.

It sickened me that they all now knew about the crescent-shaped birthmark on the inside of her inner thigh, and the multitude of beauty marks that ran ramped across her body. And to know that she had moaned with pleasure—

"She's not yours." I reminded myself as an image of her talking to Jacob passed me by. Was he her newest conquest?

**'And I will let you cheapen sex if you'll stay in my past.' **

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(A/N: Check out more Leah-Sam drama with _HATE U_ or see a little bit of Leah/Jacob with _After the Hurricane_. Review. Luv. -NL)


	5. I understand that we can never speak

**'I understand that we can never speak again and your resentment towards me will last. And I will let you forget me if you'll stay in my past.'**

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Thirteen months after the break-up

I was now a proud father. We gave birth to a vibrant baby girl who was as calm and peaceful as her mother. I could never understand how much being a parent was a gift, until I saw her wrinkly little body being pulled from Emily's womb.

By now, I was really understanding what it meant to be a father, a man, an Alpha. The pack had grown to include Embry, Jacob, Sam, Leah, and many others. And even though I wanted to apologize to Leah, I did the opposite.

She couldn't pick up on the fact that I still harbored deep feelings for her because it might make us forget what had happened, and make us start acting as though we were a thing of the present when it was truly over.

That's why I began ignoring Leah the way I did.

I gave her the most difficult, undesirable jobs. I tried to run her down. When that didn't work, I gave her as little to do as possible hoping that boredom would steer her away.

Leah did not break the course as I had hoped. She was unequivocally the best member of the pack. She had no idea how strong I thought she was.

I avoided having any moments with her alone because I didn't want to tell Leah that she was the most amazing woman that I'd ever met. She was the lone she-wolf for a reason.

It was easy to avoid her until one day when the rotation got screwed up. It was Jake's fault. Leah had come to replace him. "What are you doing here?"

"Covering for Jake." She answered coolly.

"I can handle it myself." I shot back, looking at my hands to evade her eyes.

"I'm already here." She started removing her clothing slowly as I did my best not to look at her. I didn't have to. I knew every curve of Leah's body, every bend … better than anyone else did. I'd loved her fully. How could I not?

"Go." I barked, but I knew my command was no more than a whisper.

"It's all your fault you know. You really have no one else to blame but you."

"I know." I hung my head. "I'm sorry it was Emily."

"I don't want to talk about this." She threatened. "I've moved on."

"To every guy in the community? You know they're all getting together and comparing notes. And the guys from the pack, they're just-"

"Stop it Sam."

"It's true. I hear them when they think I'm not listening or … I don't care. They think about all the things you've done with them … things I thought you'd never do. You're better than that Leah. And some of those things you let them do you … it makes me feel sick." I explained, trying to hide my hurt and guilt-ridden feelings for the situation.

"It's just meaningless sex. All those different positions … it's fun. They all want to try me." She smiled twisting the knife a little, but I could still see the pain underneath. The longing. I wanted her too.

"It's dangerous. What if someone gets hurt or -"

"Pregnant?" Leah smiled at me, still retaining her undergarments. "Some can't be so lucky."

"Leah … I think maybe you should just leave Forks. Find a new life. Be happy."

"I _am _happy." She countered. "But you're not … and I love to see you in pain."

"Leah, just let me say this-"

"No. I don't want to hear anything you have to say. Ever. You opinion means shit to me so fuck off." And with that, she stripped off the rest of her clothing, stood there nude in from of me for what seemed like an eternity and phased, running off. I didn't know where she was going, but I felt a sinking sensation in my chest that told me that I may never see her again.

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(A/N: Comments please ... almost done. Check out _HATE U, I'm So Sick, Boys with Girlfriends _if you're liking some of what you're reading here. Part of my **shameless promotion** but _After the Hurricane _is probably my best Twilight fiction to date followed by _Boys w/GF. _Luv. -NL)


	6. Please stay in my past

**'I understand that you will one day love again and that it's selfish of me to want to ask if you can only live off the memory of me. So please stay in my past…'**

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A year and seven months after the break-up

'Come on.' I signaled to the pack, sending off Seth and Quil to tell anyone who wasn't in wolf form. I was waiting in our meeting place when I saw it unfold. Leah was smiling, a genuine smile and giggling … I remember when she used to laugh at me. I hadn't talked to her since that day in the woods. Any orders she got were indirect. I did everything that I could to make her dead to me but still … to see her happy boiled my blood.

Giggling and smiling and it was unsettling and unbelievable. Leah. Content.

I saw a Quilete guy pick a flower and tuck it behind her ear. I wanted Leah to get upset, tear it up and throw that cheap flower onto the ground. She deserved better like … me.

What Leah did do was hold the guy's hand there and kiss it softly. I held my breath watching her do this. That was ours. She couldn't just….

My thoughts ran wildas I recognized the figure of a guy who had abandoned the pack and then come back too many times to count, Jacob Black … the _true _Alpha of our kind. I shook this thought from my head until I saw their lips meet.

I vaguely remember Jacob being one of the guys that Leah had slept with during her sexual revolution, but she never kept them around or kissed them openly like this. Jacob was different, I knew it. I could see what was going on between them even if they couldn't.

I wanted to smash his face in. I wanted her to go on pining after me, thinking of me, loving only me. It was selfish, I know. But I couldn't do that.

I had to remind myself what I was here, fighting for. I had to know that Leah had chosen not to stand by me through my darkest hour.

That's when I reached in my pocket and pulled out a photo of my family … the kids and Emily. This reminded me of what my life was about. I had to make sacrifices and … not being with Leah was just another one of those. But still, I hated Jacob for having what I had lost and so long wished to have returned to me. I knew that I'd never get over her.

**'Please stay in my past.' **

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(A/N: DONE! Check out _HATE U, I'm So Sick, Boys with Girlfriends _if you're liking some of what you're reading here. Part of my **shameless promotion** but _After the Hurricane _is probably my best Twilight fiction to date followed by _Boys w/GF. _And they're both getting updates tonight. Luv. -NL)


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